Sea of the Golden Witch
by Jane Poirot
Summary: In place of the usual game, Beatrice decides to play through the most important episode for any series ever: The beach episode.
1. Part One: The Witch's Idea

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, and don't expect this to become an Epic Story; this will just be a three-shot. It's an idea I've had for a while now.**

* * *

_Part One: The Witch's Idea_

It was a calm and peaceful day. Battler and Beato had each taken their seats in the meta-world and were sitting across each other, just about ready for the next game to start. Yet they were not _ready_ for the next game to start. They had a nice, long break in between games and did not want this peace to end. But they knew they had to carry on, if they wanted this to end.

Beato, however, had other plans in mind.

"Beato," spoke Battler, "when do you plan on, uh...getting this game started?"

It was then that Beato's mouth twitched before spreading into a grin that terrified Battler. He knew by that look on her face that she had _something_ up her sleeve, and he did not want to know _what._

"In time, Battler, in time," said Beato nonchalantly. "Right now, though...I think we need a break."

"But we just _had_ a break," said Battler, deciding not to get his hopes up that the witch would declare a cease fire.

"Oh yes, we had a break in our own little world," said Beato. "However, during that break, I have had plenty of time to watch more anime and read more manga. And eventually, I realized a pattern: At one point or another, there is a 'beach episode'—an episode where the characters either go to a pool or to a beach, where they either take a break from the main plot so that the producers or artists have an excuse to show these characters half-naked in hopes of raking in more viewers for the next episode; or for some sort of advancement to the plot. Often, it's a combination of the two."

Battler was beginning to realize where she was going with this, and his suspicions were confirmed when Beato said: "I have noticed in our games that no one has ever gone swimming in the ocean surrounding Rokkenjima, despite there being a beach and water. Don't you think it's a real shame to see such wonders go to waste? Therefore...I have weaved a special tale of my own, involving the sands and water...and of course, the use of witches."

Battler shrugged, "As long as you don't make my piece wear a speedo, I'm okay with it."

Beato laughed, "Oh, I think that can be arranged."

Battler grumbled and slid down further in his seat, wishing he had kept his mouth shut.

* * *

_October 4, 1986_

It was a beautiful day on Rokkenjima. The sun was shining upon the deep blue sea, making it all the more alluring to those who arrived. It was not long after the arrival of the family members that they all decided to go down to the beach and have a swim before lunch.

"Uu! Maria wants to swim, Maria wants to swim, uu!" cried out Maria as she darted across the sand, wearing a cerulean bathing suit for girls. Before she could run out into the ocean, however, Rosa (wearing a light blue one-piece) scooped Maria up in her arms and scolded, "Not yet, Maria. We have to wait for the other cousins to arrive."

"Patience, Maria, patience," said George as he ran up to the mother-daughter pairing, wearing a pair of yellow swimming trunks. "The others are taking their time to get ready. Jessica will be down in a minute or two. Battler, however, will be taking his time."

"Oh?" said Rosa. "How come?"

"Well, it appears he misplaced his bathing suit," said George. "He swears he packed it just underneath his underwear in his suitcase, but when he unpacked, he found nothing. I suggested he could borrow my pair while I just sit on the beach and watch, but he insisted that he did not want to hold me back from having fun with everyone else. He told me to get a head start first, and he'll catch up in a few minutes. Ah, here's Jessica."

Jessica came running down to the beach, wearing a fuchsia floral bikini and sunglasses. "George-aniki," she said, "Battler is _almost_ ready to come down...except..."

"Uu, why can't Battler just swim naked?" asked Maria.

"Maria!" gasped Rosa, but George and Jessica both laughed. Jessica said, "Somehow, I don't think he's quite ready for that! I know he'd love it if us girls were naked, though, if the way he tried to grope Shannon earlier is any indication..."

"So Jessica," said George, "what is it you were about to say? Battler's almost ready to come down?"

"Yeah," said Jessica slowly, "but...well, he searched through his parents' suitcases in hopes that he had accidentally packed his bathing suit in one of those two. Uncle Rudolf walked in on him while he was searching through his, and told Battler that if he could not find his _own_ bathing suit, then he was more than welcome to one of his father's. Only..."

"Let me guess," sighed Rosa. "Rudolf packed all speedos, didn't he?"

Jessica nodded, stifling a laugh. "Well anyway, Battler insisted he'd try to find it anyway. About ten minutes later, he decided he wanted to get down to the beach, but...he wants to swim in his underwear. Right now, he and Uncle Rudolf are having a fierce debate over how to handle the situation. The worst part of their argument was over when I left. I think he should be coming down real soon."

"Ah, Rudolf," sighed the voice of Kyrie as she approached the group, wearing a white bathing suit that tied up in the back, "Sometimes, I wonder why I married him...if Battler wants to go swimming in his underwear, let him swim in his underwear! Bathing suits are no different than underwear. A bikini is just a glorified brassiere with panties."

At this, Jessica's face reddened and she changed the subject: "So, uh...do you know if the servants or any of the other adults will be coming down or not?"

"Well, the last time I checked, Rosa, Rudolf and I were the only ones who thought to bring our bathing suits," said Kyrie. "So Eva and Hideyoshi won't be coming down. And your dear mother is having a horrible headache right now, Jessica, and your father is staying behind to take care of her. Dr. Nanjo, too, will be staying with Natsuhi. As for the others, I'm not sure. I think the rest of the servants will be staying behind, but I think either Kanon or Shannon will be coming down together. You know, those two really are strange...during the years I have visited here, I have never seen those two together in the same room. Sometimes, I wonder if they are, in fact, one and the same, if one of them is cross-dressing or—"

"Uu! There's Uncle Rudolf!" piped up Maria, pointing to Rudolf, who came walking down the path to the sand wearing a dark green speedo, his chest and able body glistening in the sun. Had he not been anyone's uncle or husband or father, there would have been massive nose bleeds to turn the sand from a faint white-beige colour into a deep red.

"Handsome as ever, I see!" declared Kyrie.

Rudolf ran up to Kyrie and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Sorry I took so long," he said. "I had to persuade my son for a little bit."

"Oh Rudolf, let him wear what he wants," said Kyrie.

"Too late for that now," grinned Rudolf. He called out over his shoulder, "Son! Hurry up!"

It took about a minute or two before Battler came into full view. Sure enough, he was wearing one of Rudolf's speedos—a black one—and Battler had to use one hand to keep the back from riding up his rear.

The sight was both ridiculous and pitiful. It was ridiculous enough to make the other cousins want to laugh. It was also pitiful enough for them to show compassion and restrain.

"You old bastard," growled Battler as he ran over to the cousins. "I'll bet you stole my trunks and threw them in the ocean while we were riding over here on the boat, didn't you? And you did it to teach me a lesson..."

"Look, I don't know how many times I have to go over this with you, but I _swear_ I did nothing to your luggage from the time we left home to when you unpacked it," said Rudolf, throwing his hands up in defence. "If you somehow forgot them—"

"And I _didn't,"_ said Battler exasperatedly, haven gone over this at least a thousand times with Rudolf, "it was the first thing to go into the suitcase, right beneath my underwear pile."

"Or," said Rudolf, "if you somehow _lost_ them despite them being in your suitcase the entire time, that is because of _your_ incompetence, _not_ mine."

Battler sulked. Maria said, "Uu, Battler, know what will make you feel better? A swim into the ocean, uu!"

"I...I guess we can go for a dip in the water now," said Battler, beginning to get his spirits back up. "That's what we came for, right?"

* * *

As if going for a swim had been the answer all along, Battler's mood began to improve as he played together with the cousins in the water. He took his mind off his worries and decided to just have fun.

"Uu! Maria's got it! Maria's got it! Uu!" cried out Maria as she ran after the beach ball she and the cousins tossed around in the water.

"Be careful where you swim, Maria!" said George, keeping an eye on Maria to make sure she didn't accidentally swim anywhere too deep. She was a fairly good swimmer, but was not ready to handle anything deeper from what she was used to.

It looked as though Maria was going to swim out too far, but she managed to pick up the ball and wade back over with it before it swam out of her reach. She rolled it over to Battler and said, "Uu! Your turn, Battler!"

"Thank you, Maria," said Battler, smiling. "You know, I'll bet you'll look very attractive in a bikini ten years from now, ihihi. Promise you'll put on a bikini just for me when you're older and have grown breasts, okay?"

"Uu! Promise!" said Maria eagerly.

"_Battler,"_ said Jessica warningly, but George only laughed, "Just make sure Aunt Rosa doesn't hear you and you'll be fine."

Battler picked up the ball and threw it over to George. Yes, everything was going just splendidly indeed. Everything was nice and peaceful...everyone was having fun...and everyone was happy...

Part of Battler wished he had stuck around instead of going off to live with his maternal grandparents during those six years. Jessica was a slight tease, but she could be sweet...almost like that 'tsundora' type, only more like the type that was sweet yet held an angry persona. George was much like an older brother. And Maria, sweet little Maria, odd as she may be, could put a smile on anyone's face.

Yet he supposed the time he spent apart from his family was what made him all the more grateful to be with his cousins now, playing with them in the water, pretending they hadn't a care in the world.

Just as long as they kept Maria from swimming out too far...

"Ah! Sorry!" said Jessica quickly when she knocked the ball a bit too far and it went out further in the ocean than it had the last time. "Just wait one minute, Maria; I'll go get it."

"Uu, hurry back!" called out Maria as Jessica began to swim out, but as she did, the ball rolled even further out to sea. Fortunately for everyone, Jessica was a very good swimmer, and this did not stop her from swimming out to the ball.

However, as Jessica began to edge further out into the sea, something...odd...happened.

Something very, very odd.

The ball suddenly stopped in its tracks and began to roll back over to Jessica, causing her to stop in her tracks. "H—huh?" she said, confused. She picked the ball up in her hands and began swimming back over to the cousins and said, "Did...did you all just see that?"

"Yes," said George, stroking his chin. "Very peculiar, very peculiar indeed..."

"Well, it's a weird phenomenon," shrugged Battler. "But at least we have the ball back, and that is what matters. Now, if we could just pick up from where you left off, Maria..."

"Uu, Maria knows why it happened," said Maria. "It happened because Beatrice saw the ball rolling out to sea and made it roll back over to us, uu."

Battler lightly chuckled, "Now Maria, if you are talking about that woman Genji was telling us about earlier, the one who is supposedly a witch..."

"Uu, she _is_ a witch," insisted Maria. "And she's standing right there!"

Battler decided to play along with Maria's claims. He laughed and began to turn around as he spoke: "All right, then, I'll just have to say to her—"

He froze.

For standing right there before him on the sands of the beach was the Endless Witch, Beatrice, with her pipe in one hand, her hair up in its usual bun with a pretty red rose neatly decorating one side of her head. To top it all off, she was wearing a black bikini.

It did not, in any way whatsoever, make her look any less intimidating or astounding as Battler stood there, his mouth gaping.

"Something wrong, _Ushiromiya Baattleeerrr?"_ teased the witch, who let out an inelegant, witchy laugh, indicating that the adventure of today had just begun.


	2. Part Two: The Witch's Plot

_Part Two: The Witch's Plot_

"Argh?!? What the fuck is going on here?!?" cried out Battler in the meta-world, slamming his fists on the handles of his chair repeatedly. "What the fuck are you doing?!?"

"What? We're just having a little fun, that's all," said Beato, smiling like a lawyer with a last-minute defence up their sleeve. "This is not a true game we're playing. All rules regarding our other games do not apply to this story--there will be no Devil's Proof, Hempel's Raven, or Schrodinger's Cat. Magic can freely come and go as it pleases, regardless of your presence on the beach. Therefore, you cannot come up with any theories to disprove magic. You don't have a _problem_ with that, do you?"

Battler gritted his teeth before saying, "Fine. Want to have a story with half-clad witches running all over the place and causing all sorts of chaos on a perfectly nice day? Go ahead. See if I care. Just remember that when we get back to our _real_ game, things need to go back to making a _bit_ of sense, okay? Besides," he grinned, "part of me has always wanted to see those ass nee-chans in a bathing suit, ihihi."

"We'll see about that," said Beato, still smiling.

* * *

_October 4, 1986_

Battler was not quite sure how to react to this woman's presence. He only blinked and said, "Ah...you must be Beatrice. Maria was just talking about you."

"Yes, I heard," said Beato, smiling in a manner that made Battler feel quite uncomfortable, "You called what had just happened a 'phenomenon'. Tell me this, Ushiromiya Battler—do you think _I_ am just a mere 'phenomenon'?"

Battler realized then how the witch was addressing herself and ran through the water and to the sandy shore to speak to her: "Hey, what's with using 'waga'? What makes you think you can place yourself _above_ us, huh? Do you seriously think you're a witch?"

"Look at what you see before you," said Beato. By now, Battler was on shore and just a few feet in front of her. She used her pipe to tilt his chin up, forcing him to look into her eyes. "Can you explain how the ball suddenly switched currents and _conveniently_ rolled back over to you? It would be quite impossible for science, no? It was I who caused the tides to shift, and bring the ball back to you to save Jessica an extra trip out in the water—quite possibly even preventing Maria from swimming out there herself and risking drowning. You should be _thanking_ me instead of questioning how I use my Japanese honorifics. And you can thank me by acknowledging me as a witch."

Battler blinked—then burst out laughing, "Ihihi, sorry, but the mental hospital on Rokkenjima was destroyed in an earthquake a long time ago."

At this, Beato then used her pipe to press against his forehead and push him back. "Very well," she said. "If you will not acknowledge me, then just you wait...within a few minutes, we will have enough company for you to change your mind."

"Eh, we'll see if your 'company' looks as hot in a bikini as you, ihihi," said Battler with a roll of his eyes. His head turned at the sound of Kyrie sighing, "Ah—young love! Look at them, Rudolf—aren't they almost exactly like you and I?"

"No, we're _nothing_ like the two of you!" said Battler quickly.

"Really, because I remember having something of a love-hate relationship with Kyrie for a while at first," said Rudolf, smiling over at Kyrie.

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure _she_ wasn't making crazy claims about being a witch!" said Battler, ignoring Beato's chuckles behind his back. "And another thing—Aunt Rosa? Are you all right?"

Rosa gulped and said, "Uh—y—yes. I'm...all right."

"What's the matter, Ushiromiya Rosa?" said Beato tauntingly. "Is there something about me that looks vaguely familiar to you, hmm?"

Before Rosa could reply, Beato said, "I think it is just about time I called down my 'company'—_arise, Seven Stakes of Purgatory!"_

Curious about this strange turn of events, George and Jessica ran out of the water and onto the sandy shore. Maria followed, though not in the least bit curious, and fully aware of what was happening, smiling creepily.

Within seconds, the Seven Stakes of Purgatory each appeared in a burst of gold on the beach, one by one. This time, they were not wearing their usual uniform; naturally, they each wore a blue, low-cut one-piece that tied around in the back.

"You called for us, Beatrice-sama?" chimed each Stake in unison.

"Yes, but we are not here to pierce any flesh today," said Beato, waving her pipe as though it were a toothpick. "Today, you are all to convince everyone on this beach to acknowledge me. _Some,"_ she glared over at Battler, "will be more difficult to convince than others."

"And how do you wish for us to go about doing that, Beatrice-sama?" asked Belphegor.

Rudolf stood up and said, "Well, you could start by giving me a luxurious massage that only a truly magical being such as yourself could give. Ah!" he cried out when Kyrie pinched his ear and glared at him.

"Ignoring the father of my incompetent opponent," said Beato, "you could all, shall I say, stir things up a bit?"

As though this were some sort of code, the Stakes all smiled at one another and scattered throughout the beach.

"Ihihi, I'll admit they're not too bad looking," remarked Battler. "But that still doesn't make you a witch; they might've just been hiding somewhere waiting for your cue."

"Believe what you prefer to believe," sighed Beato. As she turned to walk down the beach, she called out over her shoulder, "We will see who is proven wrong by the end of the day, _Ushiromiya Baat—_ah, here he comes."

Battler could hardly believe his eyes...a golden butterfly flew down to the beach and the person to take form from it was...

"_Gohda?"_ Battler mouthed.

But it wasn't just Gohda alone; no, Gohda had set up his own barbeque grill with hot dogs, a lemonade stand, and a miniature ice-cream van. He beamed, "Magical Gohda Chef at your service!"

* * *

From that point on, everything spun out of Battler's control. Magic was _everywhere_. Many, many incidents occurred, most of which were mainly trivial, but there were two, most significant events.

For starters, there was Rudolf's flirtation with Belphegor.

"Ah, all this heat is making me hungry," sighed Rudolf as he took a walk down the beach next to Belphegor. "What do you say we go get some ice cream?"

"I guess that would be okay," said Belphegor slowly. She felt a little uncomfortable with the way Rudolf was trying to get closer to her—while his wife was within distance, no less! All the same, she enjoyed his company, and recalled with fond memories how they had fought together in the last game...how his eyes almost seemed to pierce into hers as he looked over his shoulder while taking those few steps apart...

"So, uh, what flavour would you like?" asked Belphegor. "When we get there, I mean."

"Oh, I might be up for a bit of pistachio," said Rudolf. Using one hand to lightly flip Belphegor's ponytail over her shoulder, he said, "What would you like? Chocolate? Vanilla? Or would you rather have some..._meat?"_

He wriggled his eyebrows, giving this otherwise innocent remark a hidden meaning.

"Ah—I, uh..." stammered Belphegor, her face flushing furiously.

"Relax," laughed Rudolf, patting Belphegor on the pat. "We'll just have some ice cream, okay? Chocolate okay by you?"

"Um...yeah," nodded Belphegor. "I...I guess. You know...I'm really not used to a guy talking to me like this...well, that's 'cause the one guy around the house isn't into girls, so um..."

She cleared her throat and said with more confidence, "Yes, I would like to have chocolate very, very much."

* * *

Unbeknownst to these two, Kyrie and Leviathan stood nearby, each enjoying their vanilla ice cream cones, observing the flirting couple.

"Look at that, Leviathan," sighed Kyrie, shaking her head. "The nerve of my husband...well, I can't say I'm not used to it."

"Why do you put up with someone like him, anyway?" asked Leviathan. "Why don't you just leave him?"

"Oh, I could never leave someone like Rudolf, no matter how flirtatious he may be," said Kyrie. "I love him too much. Besides, his flings with other girls are nothing serious; he may sleep with a few of them, but it never lasts. He looks at them with _lust,_ but I'm the one he _loves._ No matter who he's with, he always comes back to me in the end. That being said," she grinned at Leviathan, "what do you say we teach those two a lesson, hmm?"

Leviathan snuggled up next to Kyrie. "Teach me your envious methods, master!"

* * *

After ordering their ice cream cones, Rudolf and Belphegor went elsewhere on the beach to eat their ice cream together. They sat down and watched the waves rolling in and out together. Rudolf would offer Belphegor a lick of his ice cream, and she would offer a lick of hers in return. This remark, while normally holding a double meaning (usually sexual), is in fact innocent in the context it is used.

"Having fun so far?" said Rudolf.

Belphegor nodded. "Yes. It is nice to take a day off once in a while."

Rudolf wrapped one arm around her shoulder. "It's always nice to have a day off from everything." He began to pull her in a little bit closer...

"A—ah! Right there, Kyrie-san!"

"What was that?" muttered Rudolf, pulling away. He looked over his shoulder...

"Ah! More, more!" squealed Leviathan.

"Did I just hit the right spot?" cooed Kyrie. "More?"

"Yes!" breathed Leviathan. _"Yes!"_

"Hold on a minute!" called out Rudolf, shooting up to his feet and running up to the pair. "Let me have a turn after!"

He stood there in the sand, waiting impatiently for Kyrie to finish massaging Leviathan's...

...back. Of course she was massaging Leviathan's back; what exactly did the reader _think_ she was massaging?

* * *

"Ah, at least you got even with the old bastard for me," sighed Battler as he stood back and watched the events unfolding. "That'll teach him not to throw my bathing suit in the middle of the ocean again, ihihi!"

He heard an all-too familiar cackle, and a golden butterfly flew right up in his face before it turned into Beato, still bikini-clad, smiling, "Oh Battler, what makes you think your dear old father threw out your bathing suit, hmm? It was I, Beatrice, who saw to it that your bathing suit conveniently 'disappeared', as a warning sign of the magic to come."

"Uh-huh, sure," said Battler in a completely bored, unconvinced tone. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to help Maria finish building her sandcastle."

As he walked off over to Maria, Beato smiled and made Battler's swimming trunks appear in her hands. "And just when I was thinking of giving these back to him, too," she muttered, making them disappear one more.

* * *

The other significant event was one that caught Beato by surprise. She was standing back a distance while watching Maria build her sandcastle together with Battler, silently adding magic to make the tower grow bigger.

"Ah, if only you would accept magic," said Beato, smiling at the astounded red-head, not even bothering to look in her direction. "Life would be less dull with you around..."

"_BEATORIIICHEEE!"_

"Aw crap, he found me," muttered Beato, deciding she might as well face the music. She turned around to face the owner of the voice.

Sure enough, it was Kinzo...dressed as Elvis. Greasy black wig and all.

"My, my, Kinzo, what are you doing all dressed up in _this_ weather, hmm?" said Beato, stroking her chin, holding back a laugh at the sight. "At your age, you'd be at risk for heat stroke."

"It is indeed hot," said Kinzo, nodding, his wig moving a little bit further down his head. "But I had to come out here...I had to present myself to you...so I beg of you, please, marry me!"

Beato could no longer hold back a snicker, at the sight of Kinzo proposing to her in his Elvis costume. "Sorry, Kinzo, but there's someone else I'm interested in right now."

At this, Kinzo grinned a most frightening grin, almost as though he had something evil on his mind. "Can this 'someone else' _sing?"_

"What? You have a song for me, now?" said Beato, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, I wrote a song just for you!" said Kinzo, throwing himself to his knees. "I had it written specifically with us in mind! Please, let me perform this one song for you just the once!"

"Well...seeing as you're already dressed for it...I guess there would be no harm in letting you perform just the one song," shrugged Beato.

"Good!" cried out Kinzo, leaping to his feet. "I'll just need a stage!"

"Do you already have a band in mind?" said Beato, as a swarm of golden butterflies flew over to a section on the beach and morphed into a small stage for Kinzo to stand upon, complete with all the necessary instruments.

"Oh, I borrowed some of your companions for my band," said Kinzo quickly as he ran over to the stage. "I hope you don't mind!"

By this time, Kinzo had leaped onto the stage. He cleared his throat and announced, _"I summon you to appear before me—Ronove and Virgilia!"_

In a flash of bright light, Ronove and Virgilia both appeared on stage, he wearing black pants yet shirtless, she wearing a dark blue ruffled bikini (and looking thoroughly uncomfortable and embarrassed in it).

"You called us, Lord Goldsmith?" said Ronove.

"Yes, and after weeks of rehearsing our song, it is time," said Kinzo.

"Just don't make me sit here in this ridiculous attire for _too_ long," sighed a flustered Virgilia, sitting at the electric keyboard while Ronove picked up the guitar.

Kinzo tapped the microphone to make sure it was working. Upon receiving feedback from it, he announced, _"Attention! Attention everyone!"_

All the commotion stopped, and those on the beach ran over just a few feet away from the stage, curious to see what was going on.

"Please don't tell me father is going to perform one of his 'songs' again," muttered Rosa.

"Too late," sighed Rudolf.

"Everyone," announced Kinzo, "allow me to perform my newest hit single "La Divinia Tragedia". This is dedicated to my beloved..._BEATORIIICHEEE!"_

Suddenly, an invisible chorus began to start up in the background. No one was quite sure where it was coming from; it was almost like a distant chanting...and then, it ceased.

Ronove struck a single note on the guitar while Virgilia began to play the first few notes on the keyboard and Kinzo sang: _"The night is ending. What am I searching for? My memories cruelly mock me."_

Just then, the chorus struck up again and Kinzo laughed maniacally before singing, _"Tear up the darkness, OH DESIAH! Don't reject me, my beloved. I have nowhere to return to, OH MY PRAYER! May this be our final orgy!"_

"Huh?" muttered Battler upon witnessing this. "What the...what do orgy's have to do with anything?"

Kinzo continued to sing: _"Rip out my heart, OH DESIAH! Oh beloved demon, grant my wish! Have no mercy, OH DESIAH! Sacrifice sheep to GAWD!"_

He then ripped his shirt open and jumped off the stage, expecting to land in some sort of mosh pit. Instead, he burst into flames mid-air and left no ashes behind.

Everyone stood in awe, their mouths gaping, not quite sure exactly how to react to such a performance. It was unlike anything they had ever seen before.

"Ahem," Virgilia stood up and announced, "That is all, ladies and gentlemen. I will now go and change into something more...appropriate."

She disappeared in a burst of gold. Ronove curtsied to the audience and said, "Thank you for your attendance. We hope to see you again at the next concert."

And Ronove, too, disappeared in a burst of gold.

Battler blinked. "Wow...ihihi, that was something, eh, Beato?...Beato?"

He looked around. Beato was nowhere to be seen in the crowd. "Guess she must've snuck off somewhere," he muttered. He ran down the beach and called out, "Beato?"

* * *

Beato was at the other end of the beach. More specifically, she was in the water, clinging on to a nearby rock that stuck out on the cliff, trying to hoist herself onto it. Kinzo's public display of affection was nice, but she was not in the mood to be entertained. She wanted no one else but Battler.

Yet somehow, she supposed it would've been a serious downer for one to be rejected in favour of their grandchild.

Chuckling at the thought, she managed to move the rest of her body further upward before climbing onto the rock. She was a good swimmer, but not extremely talented, having never been taught how to swim much further than the island, lest she try to escape from Kinzo.

In spite of the beautiful sunlight, Beato felt sad all of a sudden, thinking about how much she longed to escape the island, knowing deep down she never would. She sighed and dipped her toes in the water, reflecting on how she felt like a bird in a cage...or a mermaid trapped underwater, longing to be a part of the human world...

"Who is it I live for anyway, huh?" she muttered. "Why was I born? Am I born for Kinzo? Or for his grandson? I wish Battler would believe in magic...I really do..."

"There you are, you rascal!"

Beato snapped out of her sad trance and noticed Battler standing a few feet away from her on the sand. Hiding her sadness, she smirked and stood up on the rock. "You found me, Battler. Have you finally decided to acknowledge me, hmm?"

"Ah, don't think I'll give up quite that easy!" called out Battler. "No, I came here to let you know Kinzo's little concert is over."

"Oh? How did it go?" said Beato, leaning with one hand against the hard, stony cliff. "Did he burst into fla—"

She had leaned too hard; one of her feet slipped forward on the surface and she fell over backwards into the sea, a curtain of blue crashing over her face.

She flipped herself over, struggling to swim up to the surface, trying to figure out which way was up...when she felt her foot get caught in something. She looked down and realized her foot was caught in leftover netting long abandoned many years ago.

She struggled to get her foot out of it, but the more the struggled, the more it slid up her ankle and became harder to get off. And the harder she tried, the more difficult it became to resist the urge to not breathe underwater.

She coughed and choked underneath the surface, suddenly feeling very, very scared. She thought, _I'm a witch, damn it, I should just turn into butterflies and..._

But she couldn't. And when she tried, she found it harder to breathe. She was getting increasingly panicked over how she was going to escape, too panicked to think straight.

Her body was feeling more and more like a heavy stone...and her eyelids gently closed...all faded out to black.


	3. Part Three: The Witch's Conclusion

_Part Three: The Witch's Conclusion_

"Well, things just took a turn for the worse," remarked Battler in the meta-world. "I have to say, though, I find it pretty strange that you, of all people, would get into such a predicament. You're an otherwise tough girl who gives her enemies hell, yet you conveniently get yourself stuck underwater and can't get out? Ihihi, I can see where this is going already."

"So...you don't like it?"

Battler was surprised by the tone of disappointment in Beato's voice, and the matching look in her eyes. "Well, uh, I wouldn't say I dislike it," he said carefully. "I just find it kind of...well...unusual."

Beato's look changed into one of irritation. "Fine," she snapped. "If that's how you feel, then I'll just end the story right here. It will end with my drowning, and you forever living with the regret that you could not save me."

Alarmed, Battler said quickly, "Wait, don't end it right there! Beach episodes are supposed to be _fun!_ And light-hearted, even in the midst of a heavy-handed plot! Don't think I haven't checked out some of that manga you've been reading. No, I think it would be terribly depressing and inappropriate to end a beach episode on such a tragic note. In fact, I'd be too depressed to want to play through our next real game."

Beato blinked. "So...you really care if I live or die, huh? You want me to continue this story?"

She looked so cute when she said this. She looked like a porcelain doll with wide eyes and a small smile. Battler said, "Well...I just think the story should end on a light-hearted, happy note, that's all. Maybe someone could, I don't know, dive in and save you from a watery grave or something like that? And maybe end it on a note of comic relief?"

"I...I'm glad to hear that, Battler," said Beato, thinking to herself, _And I thought I was the only tsundere around here..._

* * *

_October 4, 1986_

"Okay, Beato, you've had your fun," called out Battler on the beach. "You can come up now! What do you plan on doing, splashing me with water and then claiming you're a mermaid all of a sudden, ihihi?"

He waited five more seconds, waiting for the blonde-haired witch to burst to the surface cackling. When no one came to the surface, he said a bit louder, "All right, Beato! If that's how you feel, I'm leaving!"

He thought that this would give her cause to swim up the surface for sure. He squinted his eyes and looked out to sea, where he saw small bubbles on the surface of the water...then they dissolved.

"Beato?" said Battler, suddenly concerned. "BEATO!"

There was no response.

"Oh shit," muttered Battler. He ran into the water, running further and further until he could swim right off the sandy ground and dove underwater.

He swam down further and further, looking left to right, until he saw it: Beato floating underwater with her foot caught in a fishing net, her eyes closed.

_Please don't let me be too late,_ Battler thought as he swam up to the net and gently managed to pry Beato's foot out of it. She began to sink further, but Battler grabbed her and swam to the surface, where upon he took a deep breath of air and swam up to the beach.

As soon as he reached the shore, he gently lay Beato down in the sand. The red rose in her hair, amazingly enough, was not damaged too badly from the wetness. A few strands of loose hair clung to her wet cheeks, which Battler gently stroked away.

Her eyes were still closed, her lips slightly parted, and she did not move a muscle. Battler hoped she hadn't drowned, trying desperately to remember that CPR course he had taken a while back. What was it he was supposed to do in the event of rescuing a person who was drowning that lost consciousness, yet might still be alive?

Then he remembered—_aw crap,_ he thought. _But hey—it's either injure my dignity, or lose her life. And I couldn't live with myself if I let my own pride get in the way of saving a human life._

He took a careful look around her face to make sure there were no foreign objects in the way. And when he parted her lips with his hands, there were no other objects in her mouth, either.

Battler used one of his hands to pinch the airway in her nose, and the other to steady himself. He thought, _Well...here's hoping those CPR lessons were useful for something..._

Without a second thought of hesitation, he clamped his mouth over hers and breathed air into her mouth, and hopefully into her lungs. He closed his eyes, thinking how this wasn't as bad as he thought it was.

_You won't become her lover because of this,_ he kept telling himself as he continued to breathe into Beato. _If she wakes up, she'll probably go back to normal and continue to taunt you over witches. Yeah...this won't change a thing. It's not a real kiss...technically...of course it's not!_

* * *

"That was the best concert I've ever seen in my life, Rudolf-san!" gasped Belphegor as she and Rudolf took a stroll down the beach.

"Eh, I've got to hand it to the old man," said Rudolf, having gotten over his initial shock. "When he goes for something, he goes all out! Of course, I can be similar in bed and—"

He froze mid-step. He had just spotted a most magnificent sight. He silently pointed it out to Belphegor, who gasped.

They had just seen Battler lean over Beato, who was lying down on the sand, with his mouth clamped over her lips.

Furthermore...

Rudolf turned to Belphegor and hissed, "Quick—we have to go up to the guest house and get condoms! No, on second thought, you stay and make sure it doesn't go further than it already has."

"Um...okay," said Belphegor nervously. She stood where she was while Rudolf ran off. She could almost swear she heard him mutter something about "a lucky lay".

"Uu, what's this?"

Maria had seen Belphegor standing still, and had now taken a closer glance herself. She gasped and giggled, "Kihihihi...what's Beato going to say when she wakes up?"

"I...I don't know," said Belphegor slowly. "Hopefully, she'll switch over to 'dere'; I can only imagine what would happen if her 'tsun' mode increased ten fold..."

They were soon joined by Jessica and George, who each gasped, yet stood back the same distance as Maria and Belphegor.

"My, my, who would've thought our beloved Battler could ever have it in him?" murmured an amused Jessica.

"Even Sayo and I haven't gotten that far yet," said George glumly.

They were soon joined by the other six stakes, who all gathered around Belphegor, each giggling and poking each other in anticipation, waiting for the couple to make another advancement.

* * *

_Please wake up,_ Battler silently pleaded. _Please, please wake up...it's not that I'm not enjoying this, really; it's just that...you were actually kind of fun...and if I lost you...things would be a lot more boring around here..._

Battler, curious to see if he was making any progress at all, opened up his eyes. It was at that moment that Beato's eyes burst wide open and she gasped. Battler quickly backed off of her, giving her room to promptly sit up and cough.

"Beato," said Battler quickly, "are you all right?"

Beato took a gasp of air and said, "Well...I'm not dead." She blinked in curiosity. "Did...did you just...save my life?"

"Well, I couldn't just stand there and watch someone drown," said Battler slowly.

"Not even me?" said Beato.

"Not even you," said Battler. He wasn't sure just what possessed him to do so, but he leaned in and gave Beato a quick peck on the cheek.

It was then that he heard the gasps and giggles...and Rudolf screaming, _"Hold your horses, I got the condoms!_ Oh, and Kyrie also brought..."

Battler whipped around to see the gathering crowd, and Rudolf and Kyrie joining the crowd. He felt his face go warm. "Were you all standing there the entire time?"

"Battler, I refuse to let my lectures on safe sex go wasted on you, and that is that!" said Rudolf firmly. He ran up to the couple, the crowd following close behind, and shoved the pack into Battler's hand.

Blushing, Battler cried out, "Like hell we were going to do _that!_ Do you really think we would...where everyone else can _see?"_

"Like father, like son," said a smiling Kyrie.

Battler shot up to his feet and began, "Just let me explain—what?" he said impatiently when everyone's eyes grew wide, and Maria's grin became a lot creepier.

"Kihihihi," said Maria creepily. "Look out at the ocean, Battler."

Thinking Maria had finally lost it, Battler turned to look out at sea...

His speedo was floating right in the middle of the water.

Then he looked back at himself.

And...

"_OH GOOOOOOOD!"_ screeched Battler as he covered up the family jewels with his hands, now completely mortified, fully realizing just how truly bad the situation had looked to everyone else just seconds before.

"What's going on here?"

Rosa, having been the only one to completely miss out on the excitement, ran up to the sight—and promptly covered up the grinning Maria's eyes while not entirely succeeding in averting her own.

"You should've seen it," sighed Asmodeus dreamily. "There you were, lying just above her naked, kissing her open-mouthed while she lay sprawled on the beach in her bikini, overwhelmed with passion—it was like something out of a romance novel!"

Beelzebub smiled. "I'm feeling..._hungry."_

Battler screamed to the heavens, _"IT'S USELESS, IT'S ALL USELEEEEEEESSSSS!"_

"Shut up, brat," snickered Rudolf. "I've been to nude beaches before. You wouldn't last ten seconds on one!"

"Rudolf, don't be so harsh," said Kyrie, though she was smiling. "I'm sure it must be mortifying for Battler to suddenly find himself exposed in front of the entire family, _and_ in front of the witch's guests."

"Hey, what about me?" cried out Gohda. "Don't I matter?"

"Of course you matter, Gohda-san!" squealed Beelzebub, latching herself onto Gohda. "Let's go back to the kitchen now, kyahaha!"

Gohda smiled at everyone before bursting into gold alongside Beelzebub.

Battler moaned and fell to his knees. His dignity was injured surely now; he'd never be able to face the entire family ever again.

_Ever._

He felt a hand rub him on the shoulder, and a voice saying, "Muu, I don't think you look _that_ bad naked, Battler. In fact, you look a lot like Kinzo in his younger days..."

"Don't start with me, you witch!" cried out a despondent Battler. At this point, it was all too easy to feel sorry for the poor young man.

He was surprised to suddenly find Beato handing him the swimming trunks that had been packed up and 'lost'. He turned to her suspiciously, suspecting some form of ulterior motive.

But she simply said, "That is your reward for saving my life, and for acknowledging me as a witch. And that is all. It's not like I felt _sorry_ for you, or anything."

"Right," said Battler slowly as he slipped the trunks on and up to just below his belly button. "Thank you, Beato. But I didn't actually _acknowledge_ you as a witch; I just _called you _a witch."

"What's the difference?" scoffed Beato.

"As much as I'd hate to interrupt this young love blossoming," said Kyrie, "when Rudolf and I checked the clock in the guest house, it was just twenty minutes to lunchtime. I think it is about time we all headed back up. If nothing else, Battler, your trunks will keep you well-clothed until we head back up."

"Right," Battler muttered, getting up to his feet at the same time Beato did. "Well, then...shall we be off?"

Beato smiled. "I'll see you again the next time you come down for a swim, _Ushiromiya BAATLEEERRR!"_

And with that, she and her stakes all burst into gold butterflies and disappeared. Battler turned to his family and said sharply, "As far as we're concerned, none of this ever happened, got that?"

Everyone nodded. But Battler knew, deep down, he would never, ever forget his unique experience with the Sea of the Golden Witch.

* * *

In the meta-world, Beato grinned. "Well, Battler? How did you like it? Did it turn out just as you hoped it would, hmm?"

Battler scoffed, "Well, apart from getting sick comedy out of exposing me to my entire family, yes, it turned out _exactly_ as I had hoped."

"Aww, but you have to admit, you _were_ glad to see me survive, weren't you?" said Beato, swinging her feet back and forth before crossing one leg over the other.

"Yeah, I guess," shrugged Battler. "The part with Grandfather singing that song _was_ pretty wild. I liked that. All in all, I'd say it was a nice, refreshing break from the usual activity."

"And what is it we say when we appreciate what another person has done for us, hmm?" said Beato teasingly.

Battler sighed, "All right: Thank you, Beato. That was a really fun story."

"Good," said Beato. "I'm glad you think so." Then, "So...until the next game...shall we be off to Kuwadorian?"

"Sure," said Battler. "I'm up for anything we can do with our spare time over there..." He grinned. "As long as we do not go down to the beach!"

_End_

* * *

**A/N: So yeah, no fancy quote or credit song, seeing how this is only three chapters, and has always been intended as a threeshot...**

**I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!**


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